


cut me open, take my heart

by ootn



Series: habits of my heart [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Heartbreak, Love Triangles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22610425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ootn/pseuds/ootn
Summary: chenle doesn't understand why jisung's hurt.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Zhong Chen Le, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Series: habits of my heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632931
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	cut me open, take my heart

Gut-wrenching.

That’s the feeling Jisung gets when he (and the other boys) catch Renjun and Chenle sucking face in the shower (the shower???).

He feels like his heart was ripped out of his chest and stomped on, actually. Gut-wrenching isn’t descriptive enough. He feels like someone cut a hole in his stomach, stuck their arm inside him and pulled _out_ his guts. He feels like someone stepped on him and broke all his ribs and now he can’t breathe. He feels like he’s going to cry.

And he does cry, he cries so much that he thinks he’s not going to be able to practice anymore on account of being so dehydrated. He locks himself in his room for a good three days, only emerging to eat (like once a day, because their trainer makes him) and go to practice (which he fucks up for reasons other than being dehydrated) and, occasionally, to shower. Other than that, he just rots in his bed with all the lights off and the covers over his head.

On the fourth day, the boys must have consulted and decided he needed to be lured out, because they send Jaemin to talk to him. Jaemin, who he only allows into his bedroom because he started using that fucking aegyo voice and Jisung was going to have to cut his ears off if he had to listen to it for one more second.

“Jisungie…” Jaemin is saying now, having slayed the beast (sort of) and managed to extract Jisung’s head from his pillows.

Jisung doesn’t respond, just looks at Jaemin with disdain, which has more to do with his situation than it does Jaemin breaking into his room and crashing his pity party. 

Jaemin sighs. “Is this about Chenle?”

Just hearing Chenle’s name makes Jisung start to tear up again, and Jaemin immediately plops down on the bed and pulls Jisung to him. And even though he swore to himself he wouldn’t, he starts crying again, letting out wracking sobs that shake his body as he buries his face is Jaemin’s neck and lets the elder hold him.

He cries for a long time, and Jaemin is there the whole time, shushing him and patting him on the head and kissing the top of his head. When he’s finally done, he sits up straighter, sniffling, and meets Jaemin’s gaze regretfully.

“Jisung, I really think you should talk to him,” is Jaemin’s advice, and Jisung scoffs bitterly.

“And tell him what? I’m sad you’re in love with one of our best friends because _I’m_ in love with _you_ and also I feel like an idiot for letting you kiss me?”

Jaemin starts at that, eyebrows raised, and he asks, “He kissed you?”

Jisung snorts. “Yeah. He told me it was just because he ‘wanted to know what it was like,’ but I don’t think that ‘wanting to know what it’s like’ includes eating your best friend’s face for ten minutes and then offering to give them a hand job.” Jaemin’s eyebrows raise even higher.

Jisung shakes his head. “I’m such a fucking idiot,” he mutters to himself, but Jaemin pats him on the back gently. 

“You’re not an idiot, Jisungie. If anyone is, it sounds like Chenle is.” He shakes his head once more. “That kid…”

Jisung is the one to shake his head this time. “Don’t get mad at him. I’m the one that has issues with him, not you.” Jaemin looks at him sadly.

“I hate seeing you like this. I know you don’t want to, but you should talk to him. He needs to know how you’re feeling.”

“What’s the point? He’s obviously very happy with Renjun-hyung.” 

Jaemin sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Just try, Jisungie,” he asks, and Jisung shakes his head.

⭑

It takes Chenle a week to get Jisung alone. It’s harder than he expected, but maybe he should have changed his expectations, because Jisung is obviously pissed at him and actually makes it very difficult to corner him.

But he manages it, after practice one day, when he pretends to leave with the others when Jisung says he’s going to stay later on his own and do his own practicing. He comes back after about five minutes to find Jisung just sitting on the floor in the middle of the practice room, head in his hands.

“Jisung?” 

Said boy’s head shoots up, and he glares daggers at Chenle when they make eye contact in the mirror.

“What do you want?” he asks, and he says it bitterly but Chenle can hear the exhaustion in his voice too. And worst of all, he can hear the sadness, which makes his stomach flip.

“I dunno, I just… Why are you avoiding me?” He’s approached Jisung by now, and sits down in front of him. Jisung stares at the ground.

“I just need some space, Chenle,” Jisung mumbles to the floor, and Chenle snaps. He’s had enough of this, he’s had enough of Jisung moping around like his dog died and avoiding Chenle and everyone else. But mostly Chenle.

“Will you at least look at me?” Chenle demands, and Jisung does, and the elder instantly regrets it, because the look Jisung gives him could kill.

Neither of them say anything, they just sit there glaring at each other, until Jisung rolls his eyes. “Did you just come here to look at me? Or is there something else you want.”

Chenle flushes, he thinks he knows what this is about.

“Jisung, are you mad about me and Renjun?”

The lack of the honorific makes Jisung’s stomach twist. 

“Is that how it is now? Renjun, no honorifics?” he sneers, and Chenle actually looks mad.

“If you’re asking, _yes_ , that's ‘how it is now,’ I’m not going to attach a ‘hyung’ to my boyfriend’s name,” he shoots back, and Jisung shakes his head. 

“I think that clears it up, then,” Jisung says, raising to his feet, “Are we done here? Can I go?”

Chenle stands, too, and he’s only a few centimeters shorter than Jisung but right now he feels like he’s about three feet tall, because Jisung is looking at him with disgust and it’s making his heart hurt.

“Jisung… why? Why are you upset? I thought you’d be happy for me…” he trails off, tears springing to his eyes, and Jisung looks at him incredulously.

“Are you actually asking me that right now?”

“Yes! I’m asking you, Jisung! Why are you so upset?” Chenle says desperately, and Jisung sighs impatiently.

“I’m _upset_ , Chenle, because you kissed me and then you just went off and did, I don’t know what the fuck you did with Renjun but you did _something_ with him, and now I’m supposed to be happy for you?”

Chenle feels small. Jisung never yells at him, but he is now, and the fury he’s exuding is making Chenle feel a bit terrified.

“Jisung… you know that kiss didn’t mean anything. I’m sorry, but I thought we were in agreement about that. You never told me…”

Jisung just shakes his head again. “Yeah, well, it meant something to me.” He turns to leave, but then looks over his shoulder once more. “You need to figure your shit out, Chenle,” he says sadly, and then he turns away and walks out of the practice room.

He leaves Chenle standing there, confused and alone, until the lights time out on him. 


End file.
